My Mom,My Expert

Really, who else is there on this planet who understands us better than we understand ourself? Who else is there to listen to our cries before we cry or pray for our happiness while we go ahoy in life absolutely unfettered,without even looking back for a moment? Yup,our mothers. The person crafted by God since he could not be everywhere Himself,right? Right.

So why should my mother be any different? My mom, my Maa, the one person who can read my soul like an open book even though I am still stuck at the first chapter.

I was 7 years old. I remember her arguing with my dad. My dad is an awesome person, but like many other awesome persons on this planet, he also loves to abide by the rules of the society in which he lives. Not my mom. She breaks them as per her convenience. That is what she was doing that fateful day.

My dad was saying something along the lines of- 'Arre,what will others say? You know how people look down upon such things here...'

And my mom retorted,' I do not care. Others do not take care of her, she is my daughter! She is going there and that is that...'

I had no idea what they were arguing about. Mainly because I had no interest in focusing on anything other than the episode of Shaktimaan that I was watching right then and also because mom had taught me to not eavesdrop into other people's arguments and this was when I actually listened to her (wink wink).

But I did not have to wait for long. Barely 15 minutes had passed before my dad stormed out of the room, crossed the living room in 2 long strides, turned off the TV, turned towards me and nearly growled, 'Get ready,NOW'.

I did. 15 minutes later,we were sitting in a car, zooming towards my dad's office area which was puzzling for me, since I knew his office remained closed on the day Shaktimaan was telecasted. However,I had no idea of intruding upon the cold war brewing between my dad and mom by asking about where we were going. 

15 more minutes later and we were standing on the grounds of a nearly dilapidated,yet imposing, building near my dad's office. It was a dance school. Oh,so this is what they were talking about! You see, we lived in a society that looked down upon the performing arts. Dancing, singing, acting were referred to in derogatory terms by my dad's family, my mom's family as well as the neighbors in our apartment complex, and the general populace of our social class. But ofcourse,I was a 7 year old child. Trying talking about socio-politico-religious compulsions of this mad world to a 7 year old child! All I knew was, I LOVED to dance. From a very young age, I had loved songs and watching Bollywood movies was an obsession with me. In our family, my dad's family would only ever listen to classical music and ghazals of Pankaj Udhas. But I think,from the time I was 3 or 4 years old, my mom had started buying Hindi film songs of Mithun Chakravarthy and Jackie Shroff starrers since she loved to see my little toes wiggle to the beats of those disco songs. So,obviously, she thought it was best for me to start getting classically trained from a young age. Ergo,here we were,getting my name enrolled for the Bharatnatyam classes at the said dilapidated dance school.

This is the first instance I remember where I saw the fighter in my mom. My memories are a bit hazy but I remember everything important. 

I remember the way she held on to her ground even under growing opposition. First it was my dad,then came my dadaji, my dadiji, the whole extended family from my dad's side who refused to even consider the idea of sending me to a 'naach-gaana' place. Even my mom's side of family was not overtly thrilled even though they did not make much fuss but I remember my mom meeting everyone with a curt 'No Discussion' on the topic.

I remember my mom telling me the story of her childhood where she used to watch Hema Malini and Vyjantimala's movies at her friends' places because she wasn't allowed to do so at her own house,and how she would dream of dancing but ofcourse she was never allowed to nurture this dream and to make sure that she did not take any 'drastic step' (of maybe getting self-enrolled into a dance school?) she was married off while still in high school. Obviously, what better way to make sure that a woman 'does not cross her limits' than to marry her off in India?!

I remember how this 'dance school incident' was the first one where I saw my mom being a true warrior,not one who goes around totting a gun but one who sticks to a very finely refined compass of moral right and wrong and never gives up principles and values.

I remember how about 2 years later,my mom also applied for a job at the same dance school, in an administrative position, so she could stay close to me as well as to her first love-classical music and dance. I remember how her eyes sparkled when she saw all us little children in our dance uniforms and ghunghroos.

I remember how our neighbors grudgingly gave my mother the respect she deserved when I started performing at our colony's Durga Puja and Kali Puja ceremonies. That was when they realized that my mom wanted me to worship arts the way Lord Shiva, The Nataraj does, not make me a 'naachne gaane waali'!

I remember how some years later, our neighbors started asking my mother for advice on various matters,not restricted just to the dance class but general queries on how to navigate administrative bureaucracy in various places too since by then she had gotten promotion in her choice of vocation all based on her hard work and dedication.

I remember the way my mom used to be a perfect housewife and a perfect working woman in those days. Waking up at 7, taking me to school, doing all housework, going to job, coming back at lunch time to pick me up, take me to dance school, bringing me back, helping me do my homework, making dinner, helping me prepare for extra curricular and co-curricular activities. I wonder how I never thought of her as Wonder Woman then! She truly was! I never missed school or dance school, never missed submitting a homework on time and never got anything less than 90% on any of my exams.

I remember that from this instance on, she was always my rock, my pillar of support, no matter what I needed to or wanted to do, no matter if the whole world stood against me, she was always there and she still is.

I remember a 100 different incidents but I also remember this is where it all started. The realization that God really could not be everywhere and so he made mom. Specifically,my mother. Even today,her enthusiasm for life and her quest to change whatever stifles her (or by extension,any fellow human being) remains unbridled. And the fact that she is such a passionate,never ending warrior makes her eternal and ageless. Of course, there are some signs of ageing, but thanks to Godrej, at least her hair never shows any signs of ageing. So there it is, my mother, my warrior, my expert!

Together we can overcome anything...

It was just another regular day. Not a dreary cloud in sky. Cheery, nice day. I still remember it as if it was yesterday. I went to class. I was in High School. I entered the class and immediately found Goku (my best friend) in his favourite place, immersed in a book like always. We had a little ritual amidst us. He always reached class first and no matter how much I tried, I could never wake up as early as him and catch the same bus as him, as a result always reaching just a few minutes before the class bell rang. And every single day he would have some smart comment waiting for me as I would enter my class and I would throw my heavy bag at him. Regular friends we were you see.

But not that day. I entered, walked the whole 10 steps to my seat, put my bag down and waited for the smart – mouth to put forth a mildly insulting comment related to my inability to wake up early. I waited a whole 30 seconds. Nothing! This was a first in the history of humanity Ladies & Gentlemen! We had been studying (and fighting) together for almost 2 years now, how could he just deviate from our well established routine like this?

‘Earth calling Goku’ (His real name is Gokul, in case anybody is wondering).

‘Oh, hi’ (back to his book)

‘All right there? Got a Prozac overdose?’

‘No. Just my father died’.

Now how do you respond to something like that. Not that I had never witnessed or heard about death before. But this was too much. One would expect the news of death of someone’s grandparents. But father is too much for anybody to bear. Too much, too soon. This was not right.

‘Sorry’

‘Don’t worry; he was never much of a father’

Okay, so we were best friends. We did not grill each other’s personal history like they do in those cop shows. Nearly 2 years of friendship and not once did I talk to him about his mom or dad. We even had a few birthday parties at his home, all conveniently on days when his parents were out of town and so again, there was no need for a cop level grilling.

Anyway, trying my best to not burst into flames with shame and guilt, I asked him if he wanted to talk about it. Turned out, he did. We bunked all our lectures for the day and went to the nearest shopping mall we had to find the quietest corner in the food court in which to talk about our life journey so far. Turns out, his dad had turned alcoholic soon after he was born and his mother died of child-birth complications. So he was being brought up by his father’s elder brother (who had officially adopted him later on too) and so all the dealings he had ever had with his father were a customary ‘namaste’ or two in various family functions. That is it. A whole lifetime of burden, feelings, sadness, inexplicable tragedy and tears came out pouring in that afternoon.

What most affected me in the whole episode was I looked at him and our friendship in a whole new light. His experience did not merely move me, it transformed me. Strange how I could find optimism and strength in a tragic episode like this, but I did –optimism that this friendship is truly the rock of my life, something that I never take for granted, and that truest friends make you feel like anything is possible, they are the true angels giving wing to your dreams. Suddenly no problem seemed unsolvable, nothing seemed improbable. It is not something I can explain in mere words but surely, anybody with even a modicum of feeling can understand this. I am sure many such experiences are waiting out there ready to be unleashed in an avalanche of memories. Try checking Housing.com if you need motivation to remember them!

That First Step I Took!

Our world is a strange one. Especially when looked at it from the point of view of a family. We love each other, we have each other’s backs, we want the best for each other-and then sometimes, in this very rush to want ‘the best’ for loved ones, we end up killing their dreams mostly in the name of ‘log kya kahenge’ or ‘society kya sochegi’. Thankfully I have got the most amazing parents in the world who have proved time and again how they really love and support me unconditionally, no matter what I choose to do with my freedom and independence.

After completing my graduation, I had several options in front of me. I could go ahead and do an MBA for which I even got a scholarship and it would be the easiest way to earn millions within a short span of time, an option that most of my classmates chose to indulge in. I could also start a job with one of the financial consultancy firms that had come to our campus for placements and get a job experience for 2 – 3 years before getting my MBA degree which would increase my earning potential tremendously. I could also join my uncle’s travel agency and make an easy life, later on doing MBA in a niche subject like –international tourism and go on to establish my own business later in life. But I was not happy with any one of these options. Because I had always dreamt of doing something in the field of charity and volunteer work. I had been associated with quite a few NGOs all during my college time and wanted to make a career in this very field. I was also interested in marketing so I thought, why not take up a regular marketing job which would also give me ample time to devote to causes of my choice and slowly, I could probably make the transition to NGO sector permanently.

Of Course, this dream of mine came under severe criticism from almost all my friends and some acquaintances. Come on, I was a full scholarship student, I won Gold Medal at University in my chosen subjects, I was valedictorian in high school as well as college. One does not simply throw all this away to do some ‘charity work’, they said! NGOs don’t offer any money, any security for future. There is no place for a brilliant person there. Better to work in a high paying job and give some money to charity every year.

However, as I said, my parents have been there to unconditionally support me. They did not ask me to choose a career based on ‘security’ or the millions that I could mint there. Rather they asked me to listen to my conscience and choose whatever makes me happy and feel fulfilled. I zeroed down on an Online SEO Marketing job-since I have always been interested in internet, computer, online search marketing and such topics. This job may not earn me as much as most of my classmates from college, but it gives me satisfaction and also sufficient time to work with some international NGOs who work for causes close to my heart, such as-environment, children’s education, orphans’ adoption and so on. I still remember the day I made this decision and took the first step to really living my life the way I want to :) That is a feeling I hope everyone gets to feel in this lifetime as a human on this planet.

I have not yet completely achieved my dream,but I am on my way. I am learning the ropes, and I am also earning money because I understand the reality of having a good economic foundation before diving deep into any kind of dream world. I am working with NGOs and causes of my choice and consolidating my likes and dislikes and am already building on my ideas of starting my own network of philanthropic activities to aid humanity at large. I have moved to a new city, learnt to live independently and become more street smart than I could have ever thought possible. All this has been possible because I took that very first step :)

I love this video from Housing.com that celebrates this very same spirit of starting a new life :)

 

My Friend Gives Me Hope

Getting some free time in office is usually spent in browsing the net and finding out something new to appreciate. Today I stumbled upon something full of hope and optimism in the form of this-> Housing.com . It also made me think of all that I see and hear every day, so many stories of sadness and disappointments and how few stories of hope and upliftment! That is why I always cherish happy news more than sad news. I also cherish meeting happy people or people whose stories fill me with a kind of renewed vigour to live life. 

One such friend of mine on twitter is @sosweet196. She comes from a family which wanted a son and instructed her mother to ditch her in a garbage bag when she was born! Yes, she is from such a family! These are the kind of stories we read about in newspapers. People who even worship Goddesses but when it comes to having daughters in the family, somehow they feel ashamed or God knows what happens to them, they will not even hesitate to kill a new born baby! Thankfully, my friend’s mother is made of steely nerves and she refused to throw her daughter in the garbage. She was thus thrown out of the house and disowned by the whole village. This happened about 2 decades ago in a small village near Delhi. Her mother then plucked up her courage and went to Delhi and there, in a hut by the side of the road, she started bringing up her daughter with utmost resilience. Educating her, teaching her about right and wrong, working through 3 jobs just to keep the home going, sleeping 3 hours a day, washing utensils as housemaid, stitching clothes at night and what not! But all through this, she never taught my friend to hate anyone or take revenge from anyone. My dear friend Asha went on to become a full scholarship student in school and college and is today a smart, sensitive, intelligent, empathic, compassionate, kind, independent woman –happily married to the love of her life. More importantly, a few years ago, her mother too found happiness again when she married a kind, compassionate man who loved her and her daughter for who they are. Today, they are all together running an NGO for homeless people, victims of domestic violence and helping everyone in need in their neighbourhood. 

This is the kind of story that makes me believe in humanity. I have met this incredible family and I have seen their unconditional love for humanity, their compassion for everyone’s suffering and their relentless work for those in need. Seeing them smile and bringing smiles on countless other lips is a joy that makes me feel really fortunate to having gained such a friend. I hope this story also brings joy and optimism to countless others. 

I want to be Quicker..With Quikr NXT

'What is going to happen with this now'-asked my mom pointing towards the old cassette player that nobody was using at home since we had all switched to CDs and DVDs and now even they were lying unused since everything was in MP3 format on our phones!

'And this..and this!'-continued my mom pointing at old camera that we longer used since our smartphones were equipped with all the phone taking technology we needed in our everyday lives! And then those bulky old books that I never read anymore since I have switched to e-books!

Well,this was my annual pre-new year cleaning day-one day before the new year I go ahead and clean my whole room as some kind of pagan offering to the universe saying, 'Look, I know it is a new year tomorrow and I am starting this new year with a new slate and a clean room, now are you happy and can I please go on a date with Leonardo di Caprio this year?'

But I digress.

So there I was,cleaning my room and looking at the increasing mound of unused appliances, books, clothes and knick-knacks that were simply using up precious space in this home of ours that is already low on space!

What to do now,what to do, I was tapping my head for a solution to the problem all through the day.

Then,suddenly,it seems that the universe heard my plea and sent me a date with Leonardo..err..no it heard my plea on what to do with the unused stuff and sent me an ad for Quikr  where I could easily sell my unused or rather, used, items easily.

Umm,but how would it work? Really, think about it-I go on a website, I put up an ad about things I want to sell, and then obviously I would have to give my personal details like my phone number to enable interested buyers to contact me, right? 

Well, not anymore! With Quikr NXT I can simply negate the need of giving my phone numbers to strangers! Ta-da,the solution to all my predicaments is here-

First, I was worried how to give my personal number on a website-knowing fully well the kind of people that lurk online! There are many stalkers, perverts and criminals who can easily take anyone's private details and use them in achieving their own conceited, criminal, disgusting aims. I do not want to fall prey to such people. Quikr NXT helps me do just that by gleaning out all the unwanted elements from my contact pool!

Second, I am a woman, trust me, when I say this, being a woman is hard stuff. We need to be like ninjas all the time. I have seen some friends of mine being harassed and stalked for no fault at all (like being a victim of any crime could ever be the victims' fault!) simply because some 'romeo' got a hold of their phone number. Why only 'romeos', there are plenty of prank callers who simply get some kind of weird satisfaction giving 10,000 prank calls, missed calls, 'wrong number' kind of calls, especially to womenfolk everyday, Who wants to be at the receiving end of these? Quikr NXT understands this better than most people and brands out there!

Finally, I am also a busy woman. Like every human out here in the 21st century, I am involved in multi-tasking every minute of every day and I simply do not want to schedule my life around an ad on a website for selling my used items. I am in conferences, meetings, talking with friends and family, spending some quality time with loved ones and yes I do dedicate a small portion to doing some official work which is when I decide to take calls, read official emails and Quikr NXT gives me the liberty to chat with interested buyers when I decide,as per my convenience thus making it all about me-which gives me so much satisfaction, I don't think English language has enough words to describe that!

Oh,and I get to use it on my laptop, my cell phone which just makes convenient technological integration a wonderfully viable part of my life.

So what NXT? :) I have already put up ads for all my used items (lying unused right now) on Quikr NXT and guess what,in past 10 hours alone, I have got more than 15 interested messages which I am replying to according to my own convenience and I have never been happier. This surely is a revolutionary step in India's online classified market and something I am personally going to use a lot in coming days,months and years.